"It's not pornography that hurts us, but the lack of sex education"

"It's not pornography that hurts us, but the lack of sex education"

By Marta Mancosu

Let's face it, porn is accessible to anyone and anyone in this world uses it. There is no time limit to find out, there is no deadline and one must never, ever, feel at fault in looking at it, in practicing it (keyword: consent, always!) or in the denial of both things.

However, allow me this little-big truth: porn, more often than not, is not reality. What they mostly want us to believe - and it often happens especially in the very young and very young - is that everything we see on PornHub (one of the mainstream platforms par excellence) is the mirror of sexuality in all respects. Spoiler: it's not like that.

With the evolution of technology, time and the world in general, it seems that everything has become shorter and that everything is running much faster than before. The use of social media was – and is – the reason for this “race for action”; the new generations dive headlong into something bigger than themselves, they rely on what they see, thinking that sex really works like this.

A dystopian vision of reality, in which the cliché is the protagonist. It is a porn in which the perfection of the bodies is in force, in which the attention is placed exclusively on the performance of the man who, strictly dominant and always on the piece, must give pleasure immediately and quickly to the woman with whom he is having a relationship sexual. It is a porn in which there are no hairs (or if there are, they are very few), in which the perspective is almost always the male one (360° domination) and in which the orgasms are and it seems they should always and only be real manifestations theatrical.

Try taking a spin on Ph; you will notice that there are selectable categories, ranging from the classic "amateur", to the "milf" (very 90s title, questionable and very sexist), to the "black" category, the "trans", "beautiful pussies", "Asian" and so on. If on the one hand this choice could suggest an "inclusive move", on the other hand it is perhaps precisely the demonstration that, alas, there is absolutely nothing inclusive and real.

Do you know what the truth is? That, in the absence of a good basic sex education, adolescents find alternative solutions and begin to train precisely by believing in what sites like Ph offer them: this is not the reality. Unfortunately, and I must admit that nothing (or very little) has changed, one of the great shortcomings of educational institutions is precisely sex education, but that done well, very well, not the usual trashy scene of the condom on the banana, so to speak .

Sex education also means educating in affection, respect, consent, mutual pleasure, sharing, listening and getting to know each other in due time. Sex education means informing, teaching, listening and correcting, where there is a need. Failing that (and it's a pretty big package!), it's natural that we try to find solutions that school doesn't offer, discussing among friends, reading on the internet and, of course, approaching pornography.

Mainstream porn is fiction and you need to know how to take it as such, with due maturity and due critical sense; something that for a girl or a boy of 12-14 years at the first approaches (to give an example of a young age), is something very difficult.

It is clear that this discourse is aimed at all very young ages who are beginning to discover the world of sex, sexual relationships and auto-eroticism (other great taboos of our society). Pornography is not the evil of the world, it would be hypocritical to say such a thing but, surely, it needs to be discovered in the most correct and educational way possible: how? Exploring new platforms that are more inclusive, more realistic and leaving aside (especially at the beginning) the mainstream performative porn.

Learning to recognize reality is perhaps the first step in tackling the discovery of sex with the right spirit and serenity, freeing yourself from stereotypes and, why not, using pornography with the right reasoning.

Dear school, dear Italy, perhaps the time has come to offer the "package of tools" to male and female students, so that they can take note of it, make it their own and, at their own pace, begin to get to know themselves first of all and then, always with due time, himself in relation to other people. Yes, this means educating them about sex, but also educating them about consensus (fundamental!) and gender equality .

In conclusion, it is right that the knowledge of sex takes place gradually, but it must take place as soon as possible and in a complete way, in order not to create states of anxiety and non-acceptance of oneself, not to create discomfort and performance anxiety: "Because in that video I saw that they did this so it's me who's not good” and so on. This, unfortunately, is destructive.

Let's repeat together: it's not porn that's evil, it's non-education.

Martha