The taboo of intimate diversity

The taboo of intimate diversity

By Marta Mancosu

How many times have we heard the word taboo ? Maybe a million times, maybe more or maybe less.

It doesn't matter, however, because this apparently simple word, of only two syllables well, strikes us very often and many times we fail to realize it.

Considered as "Everything that is the subject of a ban without objective foundation or what one prefers not to talk about" ( https://dizionario.corriere.it/dizionario_italiano/T/tabu.shtml ), the taboo dresses us and makes us feel wrong when, let's scream it out loud, we are not wrong.

Today I would like to dwell on a particularly dark topic for many women, if not for the whole world, who hardly want to accept that words are spent on this subject (if you are a woman and you talk about sex, the world either turns a deaf ear, or branded as “facilona” and “too much”, to say the least).

Have you ever felt different? And I'm not talking about diversity in its most general sense, but about an intimate diversity , the same one that should make us feel unique in our being women.

Accustomed to perfection on screen and an unrealistic image of forms, our critical eye is without a shadow of a doubt a careful observer who very soon also manages to become an enemy for many of us. Surely you have understood where I want to get and what reflection I want to implement with these simple words. Yes, I'm talking about her: the vulva.

Meanwhile, it is always good to remember that vulva and vagina are two different parts of the female genital system. The vagina, in fact, is the internal part and not visible to the naked eye, while the vulva is the external part, i.e. the one that includes the mount of Venus, clitoris, labia minora and labia majora ; all that you can see, basically.

Here, when I speak of intimate diversity I am referring to this, I am referring to the vulva and its forms, the same ones that, very often, are considered wrong and/or non-normal by us.

In the absence of good sex education, but more simply of a good education towards female human anatomy (and also male, please, but this is not the scope), we grow up convinced that normality equals perfection and, alas , there is no more wrong and dangerous concept.

As much as it is a normal topic and as much as it should be right to be able to talk about it without embarrassment or fear of being judged, the taboo blows so hard on our necks that we feel inadequate, wrong, potentially judged by anyone who can hear us.

It's right? No. Does it happen? Always.

Raise your hand who, like me, at least once in their life, has felt uncomfortable with their body and in particular with their intimate diversity. I can't see you, but I have the distinct sensation of seeing so many arms raised in front of the PC or smartphone.

Raise your hand who, like me, wondered: "Why am I like this?" – “Is it normal for it to be like this?” – “I feel different from the others, maybe there is something strange!?” – “Who knows what my boyfriend/girlfriend will think” – “What a shame, maybe with the costume you can see something?” – “Doctor, is this normal?” and so on.

Raise your hand who, like me, has thought even once of wanting to be different, to be normal, to have "all things in their place" and that "maybe when I grow up I'll have surgery".

Raise your hand who, like me, went looking on the web for the name of her intimate form: barbie? Tulip? Curtain? Flower? Horseshoe? An infinite corollary of names and labels that are supposed to help us feel like we belong to normality, but which punctually (at least I speak for myself), still end up judging me, pinning a trivial nickname on my lips.

Raise your hand who, like me, has feared the judgment or thought of the partner even for a nano-second.

Raise your hand to those who, like me, it took time (years) to finally gain self-awareness, leaving aside the thoughts, worries and discomforts associated with something that – theoretically – should be natural: intimate diversity. It takes time, I know, but awareness is always a big step forward and makes us feel much better.

The journey towards this acceptance of oneself, one's body and one's diversity is a long process and, surely, the society in which we live does not come to our rescue, since the standards we are used to are very far from reality . Fortunately, however, things are slowly (very slowly) starting to change, moving more and more towards a "normal" conception of the body, body positivity , normalized diversity in all senses.

We must therefore not feel inadequate for how we are made and how we were born: it is a very tiring job but also very important, not to mention fundamental.

Talking about it should be normal, just as an openness to topics of this type should be accepted, without ending up subject to judgments, labeling and, if you like, even shaming just because we deal with issues concerning female sexuality, our body and " we dare” to pronounce words like “vulva”, “lips” and “vagina” or when we simply talk about sex.

Dialogue, listening, direct confrontation with other people, are all key elements to ensure that this path gradually becomes lighter and easier to face.

In short, intimate diversity is normal, let's try to understand it and tattoo it inside our minds. There is no right shape and wrong shape: shapes are all equally right shapes.

Talking about it should be normal, the taboo should stop breathing and the freedom to feel comfortable with our body should reign supreme.

My hope? Greater information combined with good (very good) sex education starting from school, but above all a total awareness of one's body and one's sex.

Different is normal, let's never forget that.

Martha